I'm just tired of being bad at the things I try really hard to be good at.
I could list them, they're fresh in my memory as most are recent...but I'm not going to do that.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
"My thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into contellations."
I haven't written much this year, even though I've had plenty to write about. I've had many things to say but wasn't exactly sure how to say them so I let them pass. I feel like I let a lot of things pass. Good, bad, the great, the terrible. That's okay. This isn't meant to be some deep bullshit article that opens the dialogue into my newer soul. Instead, here's just a few things that have happened over the past few months. It will go up, it will go down, it will.
Well, Phil passed, like I stated in my previous entry. Glen passed away about 3 weeks later. He suffered. He did not die with pride or peace. Regardless, the pain stopped. I came home for the memorial and my family seemed empty. He and I lacked a great history but his presence was known and oddly welcome. Once it was gone, so was a space kept. My mother has been getting better and better since then but she's still not 100%. About a month later, a coworker I had grown very close to, whom of which kind of became my father figure, passed away from cancer. That hurt like hell but his pain was gone too.
That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.
Bad things come in three's and I accepted it. Now, good things are happening. I'm getting a raise at my day job and I started my second job. Now, the second job may not be lasting long. I found another one that is closer to home and with much less drama. I also don't have to pay for parking and that's a plus.
See, I've gone through the great times and the worst times this year. I went through pain I had forgotten I'd felt. But I'm so damn grateful for having those moments. I'm so happy I've felt the pain of death and heartbreak. And I'm so proud to have met the people that caused it.
I'm getting older now and I'm starting to realize things I never even thought about. The many times I thought I was right but I was wrong. All the past reactions I had compared the way I react now. The person I was when I was younger is so very different from me now but I love it. I love the person I was then. I love the person I am now. The past is always good at making the present and the present will make the future. It's exciting.
I miss my past as much as I know I'll miss this moment some day. I'll miss the moment that I'm currently enduring; sitting on the couch watching The Fault In Our Stars with tears rolling down my cheeks because this movie is so fucking sad in the most beautiful way.
I'm lucky because I have things and people and moments to miss. I look forward to missing even more.
And if by chance you're reading this, yes the common you, I want you to know that I understand. I understand so well what happened all those years ago and why you did what you did, along with how you did it. Just thought you should know that I understand. And thanks, by the way. Seriously.
Well, this is all I got right now. Aside from school and work, there's not much going on right now. Laura and I are saving up to go to Europe either next year or the year after. After I'm done getting my bachelors and she her masters, we plan on moving to New York together. We'd like to live there for a few years and then perhaps move to Europe and start a life there. I'm not sure if this will go exactly as planned but it's a beautiful and wonderful plan.
See ya.
-Kels
Well, Phil passed, like I stated in my previous entry. Glen passed away about 3 weeks later. He suffered. He did not die with pride or peace. Regardless, the pain stopped. I came home for the memorial and my family seemed empty. He and I lacked a great history but his presence was known and oddly welcome. Once it was gone, so was a space kept. My mother has been getting better and better since then but she's still not 100%. About a month later, a coworker I had grown very close to, whom of which kind of became my father figure, passed away from cancer. That hurt like hell but his pain was gone too.
That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.
Bad things come in three's and I accepted it. Now, good things are happening. I'm getting a raise at my day job and I started my second job. Now, the second job may not be lasting long. I found another one that is closer to home and with much less drama. I also don't have to pay for parking and that's a plus.
See, I've gone through the great times and the worst times this year. I went through pain I had forgotten I'd felt. But I'm so damn grateful for having those moments. I'm so happy I've felt the pain of death and heartbreak. And I'm so proud to have met the people that caused it.
I'm getting older now and I'm starting to realize things I never even thought about. The many times I thought I was right but I was wrong. All the past reactions I had compared the way I react now. The person I was when I was younger is so very different from me now but I love it. I love the person I was then. I love the person I am now. The past is always good at making the present and the present will make the future. It's exciting.
I miss my past as much as I know I'll miss this moment some day. I'll miss the moment that I'm currently enduring; sitting on the couch watching The Fault In Our Stars with tears rolling down my cheeks because this movie is so fucking sad in the most beautiful way.
I'm lucky because I have things and people and moments to miss. I look forward to missing even more.
And if by chance you're reading this, yes the common you, I want you to know that I understand. I understand so well what happened all those years ago and why you did what you did, along with how you did it. Just thought you should know that I understand. And thanks, by the way. Seriously.
Well, this is all I got right now. Aside from school and work, there's not much going on right now. Laura and I are saving up to go to Europe either next year or the year after. After I'm done getting my bachelors and she her masters, we plan on moving to New York together. We'd like to live there for a few years and then perhaps move to Europe and start a life there. I'm not sure if this will go exactly as planned but it's a beautiful and wonderful plan.
See ya.
-Kels
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)