Tonight, it almost happened. Tonight, I controlled myself. I directed my thoughts towards cinematic entertainment instead of allowing them to manifest into something terrible.
Tonight, I didn't do what my brain told me to do. So why the fuck am do I feel so much regret? What the hell is wrong with me?
It's as though there's this constant trail of regret wherever I go. I understand people believe that we don't control our fate and everything happens for a reason. And a part of me agrees. But the other part of me wants to be happy and I'm starting to think I never will be if I stay where I am. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
What the fuck am I doing?
