I prefer plastic over glass.

Well, not everything went as plan. Once again, I'm in the same spot as I was before. The difference this time, compared to last time, is that I'm standing. I'm not laying down. I said my peace. I tried to find a solution. But trying takes patience. And you lack that skill. As do I most of the time, but I was trying.

You say you don't think I ever loved you. That you never believed me. And if that's the truth, so be it. But my are you wrong. My heart has never actually slipped into the hands of anyone before. But you. You held it by the ventricle, even. And I didn't mind.

But the problem was that I became co-dependent. It's so easy to do so when you start to keep your mouth shut. And maybe that's where I lost myself again. But I now know things I didn't realize before. And maybe, if we tried to work things out, this could work. But I'm done trying. I've tried long and hard enough. You fucked up as much as I did.

So maybe, when or if you're ever ready, we can work something out. Because somehow I still love you. Because even after everything, I believe you're it for me. But you don't believe that. I don't think you ever have. We both need to live life apart. Figure out our own shit first. And then we'll figure ourselves out.

But I'm not waiting. I'm not fighting. And I'm certainly not dwelling. I'm going to live my life to the fullest.

I'll be around when you feel like talking. Maturely and peacefully.

Till then, my dearest. And if that day doesn't come, then I wish you the best. But my dearest you will no longer be.

Skyscraper

It's cold. Everything is cold. There's no warmth anymore. Oh how I miss the warmth. I miss the touch. I miss the feeling of feeling.

But I've grown so familiar with peoples backs. I see them all the time. They grace me with a smile but as soon as they turn, I realize it was only a grin holding a dagger within it's teeth.

Right now...I'm feeling a familiar feeling. And a familiar twitch. An itch. A possible stitch.

You say you don't know. You're not sure. You're not happy.

She says she's done. She's through. I'm a shitty person who pushes people to the back.

He said I was worthless. A burden. A mistake more so than a lottery.

And sometimes...you have to kill the tree to kill the roots...

Two peas in a pod? Or two crazies in one room?

Today I can feel my heart in my throat. It's afraid to go back to the safe place within my thoracic cavity. Because that is where you linger. Most people say they carry their significant other within their heart. Well, I carry you within every fiber.

But I'm afraid you don't carry me at all. I know a part of you does. But this time, I'm scared. Because before, I had somewhat of an inkling. I truly have no clue anymore. And for once, that's good.

Stick with me though, dear. I lied. I did. About something small. Practically microscopic. And I understand your reasoning for being upset. And you know where the root of this problem lies. But it's my lie. I said it. It came out of my mouth. And it's not something I can take back. But it is something I will never do again. Not to you.

But don't you see, my love, that your reasoning for your reaction is also rooted to a similar place? And though you take responsibility for it, it still effects the way you do things and see things.

I can say I promise, swear, solemnly swear, etc to try and get you to believe me. But that wouldn't change anything. But I'm asking you to give this pebble skipper a chance. To show you a more mature side. Just as I have done with you. We're perfect for each other because we have such potential to destroy each other as well. But now's not the time to self destruct and leave. You aren't dust. You're a beautiful crystal with cracks. As am I. Lets rebuild together. And though it will take time, I want to build up your trust again.

Be with me. Once more. We can smile and laugh at how we're even. Twice for a broken heart and twice for a broken truth. The third chance for the both of us. I fought hard to get here...I won't let you go so easily. Not over something like this. You have every right to scream and yell and hit me if need be. But it is not something that should kill off our relationship. Will it make it difficult, yes. But that's a journey I'm willing to take WITH you this time.

You are my dearest.

Cardiac Arrest

I lay here, pillow close to mind and feet hugging blankets. But my arms hold onto to nothing. There is no shape or texture that resembles you. And as I lay here, I realize...It's not only my arms that miss you. That are afraid to lose you.

It is all my senses.

My sense of smell is searching for your scent.

My eyes are in a craze searching for your gaze.

My tongue is dry and lacks an appetite for taste unless it was your lips it were to savor.

My hearing, though already pretty shabby, has grown into a white noise. Sick of the normal sounds, it tries to find hints of you. Speaking softly and sweetly. Oh that honeydew laughter.

My voice is a monotone robot talking into a microphone made of scrap metal.

Oh, and my poor sense of touch. The nerves are dried and withered. Waiting for a touch like water to awaken a blooming sensation.

I don't need you...but I've never wanted anything more. Rocks, pebbles, buildings, everything. Until the world comes crumbling down, I want to be there with you...I hope you want the same. And can hold on. And work with me through this.