Well, not everything went as plan. Once again, I'm in the same spot as I was before. The difference this time, compared to last time, is that I'm standing. I'm not laying down. I said my peace. I tried to find a solution. But trying takes patience. And you lack that skill. As do I most of the time, but I was trying.
You say you don't think I ever loved you. That you never believed me. And if that's the truth, so be it. But my are you wrong. My heart has never actually slipped into the hands of anyone before. But you. You held it by the ventricle, even. And I didn't mind.
But the problem was that I became co-dependent. It's so easy to do so when you start to keep your mouth shut. And maybe that's where I lost myself again. But I now know things I didn't realize before. And maybe, if we tried to work things out, this could work. But I'm done trying. I've tried long and hard enough. You fucked up as much as I did.
So maybe, when or if you're ever ready, we can work something out. Because somehow I still love you. Because even after everything, I believe you're it for me. But you don't believe that. I don't think you ever have. We both need to live life apart. Figure out our own shit first. And then we'll figure ourselves out.
But I'm not waiting. I'm not fighting. And I'm certainly not dwelling. I'm going to live my life to the fullest.
I'll be around when you feel like talking. Maturely and peacefully.
Till then, my dearest. And if that day doesn't come, then I wish you the best. But my dearest you will no longer be.
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