Hi?

I decided to write in this tonight. It's been a while and I think my journal needs a break. I also think it's tired of having unreadable chicken scratch in it haha. Horrible, horrible hand writing.

Anyways.

A lot has happened. Nothing bad necessarily. I guess you could say it's quite the contrary. I got a job so my bank account has really been building. I save just about every penny. Unless it's time for a beer night. Sorry savings, but sometimes a beer is just essential to my day. I got a second job and then found out the next day that I'm becoming a manager at my current job. So I'll be a part time manager and a part time driver. Altogether, I'll be working about 50-60 hours a week. Nothing I'm not used to, though. In Tallahassee I'd work my ass off. I've just never been a manager before. Nor have I been offered the position so it makes me a bit nervous. I'll be okay. I want it enough. It's a bit mind boggling. I've only been there a little over a month and already they're offering me the position. I'm extremely happy. I love the people I work with. 

Especially Randy. He's my other manager and my fellow whiteboy of the store. He's my age and a total sweetie. He's kinda like a brother to me in a way until we start talking about girls. I'm fairly sure the things we speak about, normal siblings don't. I definitely got lucky with this job. It pays the bills and is allowing me to save to get my own place. I'm so excited to live on my own again. I love my family but with Kirra's pregnancy, my mom's constant need to be the membrane of the house, and Glen being a giant potato, I think I'm ready to go back to my life. Also, I really, really, really miss spending time with Emily and a beer on the couch. Poor girl hasn't been used in so long. Her, Naomi, me and Nick need to have a play date when I get my own place. (Side note: Emily is my bowl. Naomi is Nick's bong.)

We'll see what my wallet looks like once this position starts up and I can work out how much I can afford for rent and such. There's a couple people who want to room with me/I want to room with. Dami, Bri, Karytza, Priscilla, and Terri if it's affordable. All of them are amazing people that I can picture myself with. Nick wants to move out too but he just can't afford it. I'd love to live with him. For the rest of my life. Haha! 

Aside from work, nothing else has really been happening. I guess I can tell you about my whole dating situation? 

I've dated a few girls. And dismissed almost all of them. Except two. Jaselyn and Michaela. I'm starting to think I cant date girls with normal names. Shawnda, Mariska, Nikole(she spelled it with a K so she counts), Lilly, and  now these two. Except now I'm in such a rutt. I like Jaselyn for her personality. It's perfect for me in so many ways but I don't know if we'd work out as a couple. Maybe great friends, but the whole relationship thing has me on the fence. As for Michaela, I like her a lot. I think she's interesting and has a really good heart but she's damaged. Her mind is warped with this false reality and the people she surrounds herself with aren't good. At all. Oh hey! That's probably why I like her so much. I love the broken ones. 

But I know that, at some point, I'll find someone. I'm not searching. People just keep walking in and out of my life. I've grown okay with it; Comfortable. It doesn't bother me like I used to. And at least I can honestly say that every girl I've dated(except Shawnda) weren't bad girls. They all had flaws but did beautiful, amazing things for me. Maybe not all the time, and sure, they hurt me here and there. But they aren't bad people. They just weren't meant for me. I'm okay with that. Hell, I'm okay with a lot of things now. I don't regret my mistakes or accidents or pain. Why should I? I learned from it. I started to control myself after my last mishap. My drinking isn't continuously spiraling and my tolerance has actually gone down. 5 beer queer here. 

I don't know. I feel like I've changed immensely. Sometimes I miss the girl I was at 19. Happy, carefree, simple, and didn't give a fuck. But now, I do care. I do what's appropriate in certain places, I'm not obnoxious, I respect people, and when I get angry, all it takes is one long breath in and one long breath out for me to let go of the moment. People don't like my change, but I kinda do. I'm a gemini. I'm full of extremes. But I think I've finally found my balance. My tranquility. 

I don't apologize for every step I take or every word I say. I don't know how else to say it but I've finally begun to paint my own life. And so far, it's beautiful. Even with the blotches and rips in the paper.

Also, to you, yes the usual you, I hope you're doing well. I heard you hurt yourself somehow. I hope you got it fixed up. Hell, I'm not even sure if you still look at this old thing but if you do, I send you and your family all the best wishes. I'm not sure if you're dating or not, it's not really my business. Fuck, okay. Let me just sum up what I'm saying. I hope you get anything and everything you want! Endless amounts of money, popcorn, love, etc. I'm sure I'll run into you and give you a casual wave one day. Till then, old friend.

As for you, blog. I'll see you around. I'm at a loss for words, I have to pee, I'm thirsty, and I need a cigarette. Bet you 5 dollars I smoke before all the rest?