That's cool

Another journal break time. Where do I start? Hm.

Well, Michaela and I were a total no-go. She became really shady so I put an end to it. I wasn't really bothered by doing so. That's become quite routine actually. I can't express to you how many women have gone in and out of my life these past few months. And all by my accord. It's usually the other way around. I get attached, clingy, needy, and allow my desire to consume me. Now, I'm lucky if I'm interested in someone for more than a week. It's cool though. I prefer it this way. I worry about myself and only myself. I don't have to worry about arguments or pain or anger. None of that inconsistent bullshit. Some people say I've grown too comfortable being alone. Well, excuse me, but you're talking to a Gemini. We're extremists. Most of us, anyway. Like I said in my last post, I've found my balance. Blissful, it is.

As for Jaselyn, we're still talking. I'm still unsure of anything when it comes to her. She's not shady, she's honest, and she works her ass off. So much so that it gets in the way of us hanging out. Kinda shitty but I work a lot as well. And come September 18th or so, I'll officially be a manager. It's not that difficult. It's more to remember but not too bad. So I kinda understand where she's coming from. Neither of us will have time, or rather, much of it, but we still find time to text or make a phone call. Which majority of the time is spent laughing. It doesn't matter how bad our days are, as soon as we speak, everything is okay again. We laugh off the stress and it's such a breath of fresh air.

I'm still in a rut though. I'm not in love anymore. With anyone. I have a problem even crushing on anyone. But I can't seem to open myself up. I feel like it used to be so easy and it used to come naturally. Now, I think someone might have to beat my shell open like you would lobster claws. I don't blame anyone for the way I am now. I just kind of grew up into my opposite. Perhaps my other Gemini twin? I don't know. Memories still play games with my mind here and there. They show me all the things I can't allow myself to do with someone else. Kissing, sure. Holding hands, cool. But the cuddling and long staring...yeah. Not happening.

First of all, I hate direct eye contact. I start to feel really awkward and actually get really turned off. And someone who is always texting me or calling me will turn me off 100%. I don't do that to anyone anymore. Hell, I don't even look at my phone half the time. Also, and this is something I grew out of, but what's with girls and their bullshit fantasies of a notebook romance? Okay yeah, it's cute and all that jazz but seriously? Either stop crying and writing to me or get the hell off my porch.

Mind you, Jaselyn is none of those things. Yet. And I really hope she doesn't become that way. I dig attention but stalking isn't something I'm fond of. I've done my fair share of riding peoples asses with my exes and, oh...oh. Excuse me while I puke on the person I was back then. Putrid bitch. Haha.

Living situation time.

I've been trying to save so hard but I feel like I can't get past 800$. As soon as I get a bit farther, I need gas or end up spending money on some other shit. Like cigarettes. Which I'm quitting soon. It's just too expensive. Hopefully with this promotion, I'll be able to get my own place in no time. After having a nice conversation with Terri last night, she helped me put my life into retrospect. I've been really hard on myself lately. With money, family, friends, work, etc. No one has been putting me into a dark corner except myself. A characteristic that really needs to beat it.

Sure, people put me down and shit but fuck em. I just have to work on the whole sensitivity thing. Because lezbihonest, I'm a sensitive bitch. I still cry over shitty movies. For example, Listen To Your Heart is quite possibly the cheesiest, worst movie on netflix and my god, it brings me to my knees haha.

Aside from the routine bullshit, I don't really have any complaints. My life is beautiful in the simplest ways. Guess I'm just searching for another thrill. I'll find it eventually. Maybe in school? Work? Love? The gym? Chipotle? Who knows.

I'm pretty content with the unknown since I know so little of what the future holds.

Oh! Terri and I are getting matching tats on our feet. Both of them. And it's going to take up majority of each foot. Goody. The idea is awesome and so us but fuck, I'm pretty sure my feet is the one part of me with no fat on it. Boney, vein popping things. I'm scared shitless but I'm so excited. We also decided we're going to move together. We don't know where or when, but its a mutual agreement for sometime in the future.

Anyway, my computers fan broke and it's starting to overheat so extremely that my hands are sweating. Gross bro.

Later.