Not much to say but a whole lot to feel

I haven't written in some time. Not in this nor my journal. And I'm not going to write much right now either.

Nothing is good right now. My family holds so much anger and resentment for me. I can't walk out of my room without feeling like there's someones hands wrapped around my neck. I don't have many friends and it feels like I'm continuously losing more and more. Even the closest ones have distanced themselves. More or less due to their own battles but I guess I'm a part of that too.

The weird thing is that usually, I'd be a mess about all of this. Crying and questioning. But recently, I think I numbed myself. Or maybe turned off my feelings. I can't feel anything but uncertainty and uncomfortable. But I feel no grief anymore. I feel no happiness nor sadness, I guess. I just don't care anymore.

And what makes it all worse is that I don't care that I don't care. It doesn't leave a feeling in the pit of my stomach and I don't lose sleep over it.

I tried to die. Instead, I died trying.

And I don't care.