Hi again

Sooo I haven't really kept up with my blog. Which I'm really unhappy about. When I first started this blog, I had every intention of updating it daily. And if not daily, then at least once a week. But alas, here I am, almost a month later, updating. So for those very few who actually read my blog, here's what's been going on.

As you've already read, I was going through a pretty rough time. I had my heart broken, my mind was completely knocked off any kind of balance it had, and well, my emotions were just all sorts of fucked up. But I'm okay now. Not because I moved on or found someone new. Nothing like that. I'm okay because the person who hurt me so severely is now trying to bandage up the wounds. To make things right. Yeah yeah I know. Some of you may think I'm stupid or just begging to get hurt again, but you cannot judge what you don't sincerely know. You know the words I type here. And some of you know the words that come out of my mouth. But only she knows my heart. She knows my mind, my likes and dislikes. She knows me. And she knows how to fix what she fucked up. Which hurts to say still to this day.

I could write details of the night that everything changed here, and I very well might. But that calls for another blog, another day, and a few more words that will be written here. Just know that everything is as it should be. Well...not EVERYTHING, but the things that CAN be as they should be. Some things are just bound to go wrong. It's inevitable. There are also things no one will ever be able to change. And, there's things that should just be forgotten. Granted, I learned from it all.

You see, I became very dependent. I also became a child. I allowed myself to change into someone I didn't like. Someone who disgusts me. Seriously. Just thinking about it makes me gag a little. But..the heartbreak, the pain, all the shit you read in a book or see in a sad movie, made me stronger. It made me Kelsey again. It motivated me to become the very person I enjoy the most. I no longer cry from miniscule shit nor feel hurt over simple words. I mean, I'm still a very sensitive person. I do feel pain and anger and sadness, but it doesn't tear me apart like it used to.

I'm back. And as much as it sucked at the time, it needed to happen. Maybe it was meant to happen. And that means a lot coming from someone who absolutely HATES that saying. But then again, maybe things do just happen for a reason. One thing I do know, is that you should always live for the moment. Regardless of what's going on, take the time to breathe and smile. Because what if it's your last? Would you want your last moment to be filled with anger, sadness, or hate? I wouldn't. I'd like to be able to be in the clouds amongst angels and unicorns and whatever the hell else I want, and remember that my last moment was filled with joy, with laughter, and with a smile.

I guess that's all I've got to say tonight. But hopefully I'll say more soon. I can't guarantee it. But I can definitely try. :)