Last night was it. I had to pull the weight off my shoulders. I was bearing too much and I felt my body starting to slouch. I gave her options. Two options. The only two I could think of that I could live with. One was a happy one. A good one. An option that would make my heart swell and blossom back into life. Two, was sad; A pool of needles to stab and slice every part of my emotions. And last night, I ended up diving into those needles. I had too. Because option one wasn't even a consideration. And I don't blame her. I'm not angry at her. I'm angry at myself. At some point in our relationship, I dropped every wall I had. And this is where I ended up.
I'm not writing this to make sense. I'm not trying to be deep or poetic. I'm trying to be real. To write everything and anything that comes to my mind. But I wish I could just say fuck you. I wish I could be angry and feel hate and want you to genuinely fuck off.
But I don't. Ever. I want you to show up to my door. I want you to chase me. I want you to wonder.
The only bad thing I want for you...is I want you to hurt. I want you to cry. I want you to feel empty.
I want you to realize you need me to fill that void inside you....but maybe you don't...
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