This fear is afraid to be conquered.

Here we are.
Arm to arm. Side to side.
Grabbing at clothes with heavy breathing.
I can taste your breathe on my lips tonight and there's no where else I'd rather be.
How can I say this without being too extreme?
Can I call you my rapture?
My own personal inebriation?


It's strange to see myself in your mirror laying where I am. I never thought I would be here again. I thought we were over this time. That you were so set in your ways. That you could never look at me as the same girl you fell in love with. Oh, but here I am looking to my right and all I see is your face sleeping so peacefully. Your hand in mine as I write this. Which is difficult doing with just one hand on an iPhone. *I transferred this over*

You always say I can never get enough when it comes to us kissing. Well, you're right. I can't. The feeling of your soft lips, the scent in the air that changes when you get close to me, the look in your eyes, and the small smile that reveals itself every. single. time. That's what I'm addicted to. Combine all of those and it's as though someone shot me up with adrenaline. My breath is caught in my throat and my mind becomes nothing more than a blender full of mixed words. And for that one moment, no matter how long, my heart races. It's also the only time I feel excited. I feel like a kid who's going to Disney or a kid in a candy store. I feel things that I thought my father destroyed.

And when we cuddle, I feel something different. I feel a different kind of happiness. I feel safe, and warm, and free. I feel like I could do absolutely anything at that moment and nothing could harm me. During those moments, I feel loved more than I ever have in my entire life. No one gives me the feelings you do, my dear. No one ever could. You broke through an entire wall and saw me. The good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. And we've both gone through the worst. We know what life feels like to live without one another. Neither of us were entirely happy. We learned how to be content and accept that life. But for me, the entire time there was a piece missing. Actually, a whole fucking section.

We were made to find each other. To know what love is, what it feels like to really lose it, and what it feels like to get it back. You're my magnet and we're stuck together. There's no force big enough to take us away. I hope your plans to move fall through. I don't want to be seven hours away from the girl I love.

Thank you for coming into my life, temporarily tearing it apart and allowing me to put it back together. On my own this time. I love you, Nikole. From now until the day my heart stops beating. There's no guarantees that either of us can make...but this time, things are different. And the future we want together is looking brighter and more beautiful each day that we spend together.

Thank you for offering me menthol cigarettes that one night. Haha. <3 <3