The inevitability of our abilities.

Change is completely untouchable. We can try to hold onto the things in our lives but at some point, our hands slip. And everything seems to fall between our fingers as easily as sand. It's when we look down and see nothing that we start to panic. And that's the problem. It's not that we have nothing. It's just that we control nothing. People say that you can take control of your life at any moment. Well, maybe we're not comprehending the proper meaning.

To control ones life, entirely, means to control every moment, every step, and every change. Amongst other things. But we can't do that. As humans, we're bound to trip and fall over a small crack. Or find ourselves spinning within a moment to a point where we end up lost. Or we latch on to something so no change can happen without our will. But even then, there's a change. There's a moment. And there's definitely a step we shouldn't have taken.

I've walked far within this skin. Perhaps further than I should've. Or maybe I've just been walking on my heels a bit too hard. But the point is that I've learned. The hard way. I know what it is to lose a friend. To both life and death. To lose a love to finding someone new, and becoming someone new. I've lost family, money, happiness, compassion, etc. I'm sure I've lost everything at least once. But I gained it back. I always gained it back. The loss is always just temporary. At some point, there's a gain.

This time, I can't help but feel as though my gain will also be a loss. I lost a friend. A best friend. All due to ultimatums and misunderstandings. And it kills. Or rather, it could. But it won't. Not me, anyway. Do I think of that friend? Of course. All the time. I miss our conversations that ended with our silence and I miss our laughter that sometimes ended with our tears. I miss the moments that we're easy. When you didn't lose yourself so deeply that you lost those around you.

But that's just another piece of life that ended up being completely inevitable. Regardless of what I could've done differently. You would have never been happy. It was always something I did. Or something someone else did. But you never stopped to think that maybe it was what you were doing. None of us are perfect. We make mistakes. But you dwell and linger on those mistakes. You manifest them.

And it created a monster. A monster that taunted those without reason. I'm sorry, my friend, but I refuse to be a string amongst your bruised fingers for you to toss side to side. Let me know when you're able to accept the fact that I'm centered. I'm a neutral post and flag.