What if what ifs didnt exist?

It's 1:13 am and here I am, chin sitting in the most uncomfortable position, praying to God I'll get some rest tonight. I haven't been sleeping well for the past month or so. Not much, anyway. There's so much stress at the moment that I sometimes wake up feeling like someone punched me in the jaw.

I grind my teeth at night, incase youre one of the people who don't know.

Though I am happy with the way I've been dealing. I haven't gotten drunk for about 2 or 3 weeks now. I'm slowly killing my cigarette habit, and I've been trying to stay positive every day. I have my moments but everyone does so it's no bad thing, really. The only thing I do now, is smoke weed. Not always. Not everyday. Just here and there when I really need something to calm my nerves. But I don't think it's only the weed. My roommate, Nick, has also been spending time with me, listening to me when I speak/vent. He's seen almost every emotion. Besides crying. He hasn't seen me do that, haha.

Oh I'm rambling.

I am excited to move though. I was really nervous before but I have a lot of people waiting for me back home so it's nice that I have friends like that.

And,

My mom and her friends went to a spiritual camp for a few days. She saw a psychic and, of course, asked her to talk about me.

Well!

This woman was unbelievable. She told my mom of things in the past, the devastation(actually me being really dramatic and young) I went through last year, etc. It was like she was right there with me the whole time. Weird. Anyway, she also said that the move was going to go fine, I'm going to get a job and love it, and that everything will fall how I want it too.

Unfortunately, there's always two sides to each story.

I'm going to come across someone. A new person into the group. And I'm going to hook up with that person, she'll want a relationship, I won't, and that person is going to get pissed and vengeful about it. Apparently, she's gonna try to get my friends against me. Hmmm. That sounds fun! We'll see what happens though. Even if things get rough, I'm not going down.

I'm happy. Even when I complain, I'm still happy. I'm just upset for the moment. But generally, I have everything I need right now and that's all I want.

I had more, and I'm sure I'll read this tomorrow thinking "WTF did I write?!" but that's okay. Because I'm high so I don't expect to write like Robert Frost at the moment. Haha!