Today, as I was talking and slightly venting to my roommate, I had a moment of fruition. And it's such a sad realization that I won't even write it down. Because it hurt. It hurt me. And it would hurt you. And I'm done hurting people. I'm done hurting myself.
It sucks. It sucks more than the break up. It hurts more than the break up. Because I put myself there. I allowed it. I didn't cheat or be any kind of unfaithful so please don't think that. I know it wouldn't matter now anyway, but still.
I'm not writing this to you. I'm writing this because I don't know how to deal with it. Because I'm upset that I put us in this situation when it could've been ignored.
We're really over this time. There is no going back. But there is always the possibility of going forward. Of somehow working when we can lead a life that doesn't consist of looking back. If that day comes, it will. If it doesn't, it wont. I'm happy either way.
I can't wait for the day when you are like everyone else. When I don't jump from a text, or a call, or something. When I am completely indifferent to your life. And the only way I'll care is as a friend. I really look forward to that day..
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