Guessing Is No Guarantee.

I never thought things would end up this way.

Not once.

I always gave everything, and everyone, the benefit of the doubt. But I can't do that anymore. I trust no one. When people speak to me, I question their words as though we're playing a game of hangman. And whenever someone says something even remotely sentimental, I can't help but wonder just how genuine they are while they're saying it.

I guess I didn't realize just how much I have changed. I'm not the same caring, genuine, trusting girl I used to be. I wish I was. And I would truly do anything to go back, but I can't. Not now, anyway. Not until I start to see things in color again.

As of now, everything is a swirl of blacks, and greys, and whites. Simple shades. But no actual color. I think the only time I can actually paint a beautiful picture is when I have some kind of alcohol in my hand. When all those feelings go numb and for that one moment, I'm okay with it all.

It's sad. That I have to intoxicate my feelings in order to feel okay. But I guess that's normal. I guess we all do it. Or maybe we don't. But right now, I don't mind.

Right now, I don't care. About anything.