I'm so tired. Working 10-12 hours everyday is really starting to weigh me down. I have no time for a social life anymore. And when I do, I never want to do anything but sip on beer all night and watch movies on netflix. It's a simple life I'm leading now. I don't do anything crazy. I thought I would until I realized I'm just done with it all. I get a nice dose of crazy when I visit home but once I come back here, its back to work and school I go. I'm not complaining though. I make really good money where I am now and school is like a breath of fresh air again. It's nice. I do enjoy it. I just feel like something is coming. I'm not sure if it's good or bad but I have this urge to jump out and find it!
I think the only thing that I really do differently now is I smoke weed. Not enough to be a pothead but my intake has definitely increased. I even smoked in my room the other night. Which is not something I've done yet. It was nice. It calmed me down and got my mind to relax for a bit.
But there's still something missing. Something that needs to become visible. And soon. I'm not a patient person. I have a tendency to over-analyze and try to find some kind of solution to any, and every, problem that arises. I'm pretty good at communicating but I can become quite timid at the worst moments. I'm not as easy as I used to think I was. Or maybe I was. But I'm not anymore. That's something that changed; A characteristic that will be difficult to achieve again. Then again, that's the reward when you achieve something, no? You get that feeling of power and accomplishment. I guess I'm just not ready to be granted.
There's a lot going on right now though. A lot that I won't state here. Not yet. Because I don't know anything right now. I'll find out this week. I guess all I can tell you, my dear friend, is that I'll be visiting the doctor quite often within these next two weeks. :\ I just don't want to give myself bad juju based on assumptions. Right now it's a wait and see kind of project. I go in one day, wait to find out something else. I get results, take another test, and wait again. It's repetitive and annoying, but it must be done. And for good reason.
Lets just hope God isn't too busy and will hear my prayers. I've prayed twice this week. It was strange and hard, but it needed to be done. I know my mother and grandmother are praying as well so there's a lot of positive energy afloat.
On a more positive note, me and Sam are planning on being roommates next year. My manager is looking to buy a house and rent it out to people and so she's looking for something that will accommodate Sam and I. I really look forward to it. Whenever we discuss living arrangements and decorating, we get so excited. That house will be crazy but it will be a home. It will be worth every single penny we put into it. And we get along really well. We know what respect entails and we're both responsible. For once, that's something I'm not worried about. I got lucky with this friend. She's become one of my best of the best. No matter how good or bad my day is, Sam will jump if I need her to jump. She hasn't let me down yet and she's motivating me to do even better in my life.
So blog, I'm sorry. But we are staying in Tallahassee. South Florida carries family and friends, but tally carries a future. Not to stay and live here forever, but my education needs to come first again. And BC just won't cut it. So until then, this is home.
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