I've always hated the sound of glass

Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Shocked, a bit. But not surprised. I read your blog tonight. It's nice to see that you've been writing. And what I read was a bit hard to read, but I'm very glad you did. I guess this blog here is more of a response to what you wrote. Maybe. I'm not entirely sure.

I'm not sure what it is that you really want. Yes, you think you're at an age where you should have it figured out. Some people do but some people don't. And that's okay. If you were meant to know right now, you would. I can promise you that. Regardless of your true feelings for said person, you'll figure it out later. Don't force yourself to think back on your should haves or what ifs. Those moments are gone. What is meant to be will be. Regardless of whether it's with me, or him, or her, or them, whatever. I've noticed your confusion. I knew you were battling something.

And you may not want my opinion, but this is my outlet so here it goes. Honestly, I think you will always have a spot in your heart for him. I do. But do I think you actually love him in an intimate way? No. I think you're just so confused and mentally unstable at the moment that your mind, and maybe heart, are trying to find a safe place. Which isn't unusual. Believe me. I find myself doing the same thing minus the whole gender switch thing. I just think you need some time to yourself. To really focus on your life, pick up the pieces, work your ass off, and worry about love later.

At least, that's what I'm doing. And I'd say it's working well enough.

I'm not going to say I don't miss you or that I don't love you. I do. I'm still not 100% over you and I. I still have a lingering feeling within my chest. But that may very well fade. Or, it may not. Either way, I'm still able to focus on my own life now.

And as for everyone else, people come and go. Sometimes multiple times. If you see a significant change in your friendships and the people within them, maybe it's time you sit down and think about reasons why. I'm not saying to blame them or yourself. I'm just stating that maybe you can find some kind of hint as to why they've pushed you away. Or vice versa.

I tried pushing you away but I can't.

It kinda sucks. Why? Because I don't trust you. But then again I do. Sometimes when you speak to me, I feel as though I'm speaking to the same girl I fell in love with. Then I take a look around me and realize, no. That's not her. This is someone else and her words aren't making sense. So either you're lying to me, to yourself, or to both. Regardless, I understand. It's quite difficult to remove a mask once you've tied it on so tightly. I had one on for quite some time.

I wish I could make you happy again. I wish I could bring you some sort of fruition and bring back that motivated, inspirational girl that everyone loved to be around. But I can't. Only you can. And I have all the faith in the world that it will happen some day. Maybe not right now, but rest assured, it will happen. When it's ready to happen.

I still hope that one day you end up with me again. Not right now though. I need to focus on myself still. I'm not done picking up the pieces I scattered so meticulously. But one day, when/if it's supposed to happen, I'll welcome it with open arms. Because obviously, no matter what you or I do, we can't fully stay away from each other. Not forever.

If you ever need an ear, I'm here. Don't worry about what pain you think you may bring. I'm fully capable of dealing with things on my own now. Just know you're not alone in your confusion/self journey. It happens. And it's not wrong. Just be patient and focus entirely on yourself. The universe will only give you what you can handle at the moment; What you're ready for.

Time is made up of mere moments. It's what we do within those moments that count. Make them count. For you and only you. Let fate/god/whateverthehell do the rest.