Invisible Culprits

Lately, I've been having a bit of a hard time. Not with my job, or school. Not this time. It's something much deeper than that. I'm not going to paint a picture to whomever is reading this. I'm writing this because I don't know how to get rid of it. But if you don't understand, then you don't. And you won't. Though, one of you will. Only one. Possibly two but that's as far as it goes.

See, recently I've been zoning. A LOT. And it's not like its new. It happens sometimes but I can usually knock it down to where I can control it. For some reason, for the past week or so, I've not been able to. And it's getting dangerous. For example, last night I was delivering food to a dark part of town. If you don't know already, I have a very hard time seeing in the dark. My eyes don't adjust for some reason so it makes driving somewhat difficult.

Anyway.

I was driving and since I couldn't see, I figured I'd just follow the car in front of me so I can at least have some sort of guidance. I followed behind the person for a couple minutes and soon they made a sharp turn. I went to follow but felt as though I should slow down. So I did. Thankfully. I ended up coming to a very steep grassy hill that only lead to trees and bushes. There was no road or even a path. There was nothing. I ended up being able to stop my car right at the tip of the hill.

I sat there for a good 10-15 minutes trying to gather myself again. First, I had to work on my breathing. Which, I didn't realize I had been holding until I was gasping for air. Then was my line of sight. My eyes got really blurry and it was hard to see anything in front of me. Dark or not. And finally it was my arms and legs. They felt like they hadn't moved in years and I forgot how to control them.

But that's not the worst part.

I ended up getting out of work about 30 minutes later. I had the biggest migraine I think I've ever had. I seriously thought my head was going to explode. And then, this morning I woke up with a big bump on the upper right corner of my forehead. The bump has finally gone down but it's sensitive to the touch. It makes no sense to me. I've never had something like this happen before. I confided in a friend I met up here who has gone through similar situations and not even she could give me an answer. I also don't want to look too deeply because I'm afraid of what I'll find.

So I guess writing it here will be enough. For now. Or forever. I'm just hoping it doesn't happen again. It actually scares me now and I'm not easily afraid. We'll see..