Apologies

I guess I owe an apology. Not for how I felt at the times of writing these blogs, because I can't say sorry for my feelings, but rather sitting there and making it seem as though I know everything. I don't. People change. You changed, I changed, my mother changed, the hobo on the corner who used to be the cutest kid in the world changed. It happens. And you didn't become a bad person. Not at all. You just became different. And that's something I have a problem with.

I don't take to change well. Even what used to be a cowfield that's now a building bothers me a bit. It's one of my "things" I need to work on. I'd rather call them things than problems. Because I'm not ashamed that I'm flawed. I'm just not happy with some of my "things". Haha.

But like I said, you changed. You became someone different. Someone I didn't know how to handle or try to be with. I didn't know right from wrong or left to right. I knew nothing. And so I changed. I became helpless and dependent because I felt like there was no other way to please you. And when I was independent, I felt like your lack of control made you angry. So I gave in.

Regardless, the end of the relationship was no ones fault. It was a game of tug and war. And maybe it happened for a reason. Maybe it didn't. All that matters is that it did. And I'm okay with it. It hurts, of course, but I'm okay with growing more. Alone. To give myself that much needed space to break bad habits.

You taught me a lot. But I still don't think we're done. I think we're meant for each other at a later date. And I very well could be wrong. I'm wrong all the time, haha. I just don't think I'm wrong about this. But it's more so just a think. A thought. A perhaps or maybe. I don't know anything.

And I'm okay with that.

So I'm sorry for the accusations and bitterness. I'm only human so don't take what I say too personal. Except this. Because I think it's pretty damn rational haha. I hope to talk to you someday. Maybe soon. Maybe not. Maybe in a few minutes. Who knows. I just miss you. Not in any way in particular. I just miss you.