It's difficult to choose the direction of which I'd like to walk. For one side, my mind is screaming "Go. Get over it. You'll be fine and you know that." But when I look at the foot prints dented within the other path, my heart is reaching out and telling me to go that way. To go after what I want. That I have absolutely nothing to lose. People have been telling me I should have more respect. More pride. But what they don't understand is that I do have self respect.
I know, somewhere, my mind is already made up. That I'm going to try one more time. One more leap that I'll do for you. And if that doesn't work, then I'm done. I'll have to give up. Because it's something so very important and dear to me. A feat I've shared with very few people and I'm willing to throw it out there with hopes that it will reconnect our hearts. It's just very strange.
You see, I'm not looking to jump back into anything. More or less, I'd enjoy us trying to see each other exclusively. To make sure we don't jump back into old bad habits. To show you who I am now and to see the same from you. But also to be able to hold hands, to kiss and embrace. The relationship we had wasn't a bad one. It only turned into a very ugly monster towards the end. But that's both our faults. There were plenty of opportunities to change and fix that problem. Unfortunately, we didn't. You say you tried. That you tried telling me countless times. And maybe you did. But I closed myself up. I was nothing but a shell full of the darkness that you didn't deserve.
I have so much to offer you. I'm not the best and I'm not the worst. All I know is that I would like to try and be with you in a different way. To show you a side of me that you didn't get to experience. I know I know. I've said it before. But this time it's different. Because for once, it's something I'm not ready for. it's something I'm not looking for. Just like how I wasn't looking for you. I was in a relationship with someone I thought I truly loved. Someone whom treated me so very well and who loved me just as equally. If not more.
I left all of that. For you. Of course, I had other reasons upon the initial decision, but..I don't know. All I know is that I love you. And I know somewhere inside of you, you still love me. Not only as a friend, but as a lover. As someone you see a future with. Because whether we like it or not, nothing fades that quickly. Not you, nor I, nor the sun. I only wish you'd give me a chance to be able to show you the different colors of myself as the moon comes up. I love you enough to give you my all. It is not an option that I love you this much. It's more. It's that thread of fate between us that you can no longer see. But it's still there. I can feel it tugging. Don't run from something that has the potential to be something beautiful...especially when we can be happy together. One shot is all I'm asking. That's all..
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