Maybe the PH is too high

Resistance, resistance. Control, control. Fuck. How can one sustain the ability to fight every urge that consists of an action with the person they're in love with? How can you tell when the time is right or wrong? People say "Well, it will happen when it's meant to happen." I understand completely. But what if that moment was already supposed to happen and that moment was fought against?

I'm not scared nor unprepared. To be frank(and not bill haahaa), I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. The craving when it's that time of the month, or when you're pregnant, or when you pick up a certain scent is nothing compared to this feeling. This is more like a feeling of dehydration. I've been in the desert and dreaming of a mirage for so long. Until that mirage became a reality.

The only contradiction within this prediction(because a part of me knew it would happen) is that the reality is further away than the mirage was. At least the mirage would move with me. But with each decision, the reality changes. The buildings shrink and grow, the skies go through calms and storms, and there's a constant change in the wind.

But I won't back down. These are fluctuations I'm willing to deal with because for once, I'm 100% sure about something. I have no doubt about what it is that I want. That my heart needs. My soul has been searching for. And I'm not saying I'm not going to turn out being wrong. I'm only stating that I know what I want.

That's her. I want her. All of her. For the rest of my life. I want the good, the bad, the crazy, the completely insane, everything. I want to come home every night and kiss her on the lips. To look in her eyes and ask about how her day went. I want to wake up and kiss her and then five minutes later be yelling at each other about someone not doing the dishes. Or someone not communicating. She's the biggest pain in my ass that I've ever come across...but she's also my calm. She can give and take away pain within a ten minute span.

Regardless of what people say, she's my magnet. My soul mate, I guess you could say. Is she my dream girl? No. But she's better than my dream girl. She's real. I'm able to touch, and hold, and love, and speak with her. There's so many feelings and thoughts running through my heart and my head as I write all of this down but nothing will ever be good enough. Everything I write here will be an understatement compared to what I really feel.

I like you, dear. Oh, I hate you, darling. And these are things only we understand. :) <3