Two roads diverged and I can't be on both.

People fucking amaze me. I'm sorry I can't be there for you always. Regardless of who you are. My mother, my sister, my friends, my girlfriend, whoever you are. I can be there when you really need me, and I can be there to just hang out as well. But you have to look at who I am. I'm not the usual person with only a few friends. I'm that girl who meets someone and usually ends up having one more person who I consider family. Which, friend wise, my family is a giant fucking tree.

But with every tree, eventually, a leaf will fall. Sometimes, another will grow and become even bigger and more beautiful than the one prior. But unfortunately, sometimes it just dies away. There's no coming back. And that's not something I can help nor change. I have tried. Repeatedly. I have spread the love and devotion that comes with taking care of any garden, but if my flower just won't grow and just continues to wilt, I have to give up.

Well, I'm not so sure what that means tonight. A friend. My family. A leaf amongst my beautiful branches has decided to fall away. Again. Last time, there were things both of us could have changed to make things work. To make things better. But this time....I just can't. A true friend, lover, family member, whoever, gives no such ultimatum. You see, the picture here is quite clear. But it's also debatable. Some people may see my side as correct. And some may see me as completely wrong. Whatever the view may be, it's acceptable regardless. I don't expect anyone to think exactly like I do.

I could explain the entire story here. And I very well might later on. But right now, I'm just venting. I'm simply stating that I can't allow my heart to break over this friendship any more. My best friend doesn't understand me anymore. And will not even try to. You break away. You lack that compassion you once carried. That patience. I love you. You are my sister. And I never felt the need to necessarily split my time to be with you. But at the same time, due to certain situations, it has been called for. And I'm sorry for that. But don't you see that I'm trying to help you release your pain? To not have to stare at it in the face continuously and feel completely broken again? I've told you countless times before and over again that I would take away all of it if I could. But I can't. And you keep putting yourself in such a position that it's mind boggling. You don't listen. You haven't listened for a while. You see red. Whatever your opinion is, that's all that matters. And maybe that works for some people.

But get real. Welcome to life. To reality. I apologize if the person you dated in the past is still my friend. I apologize that the person you were seeing became another blossom amongst my garden. But these are people that were brought into my life and I see as beneficial. They all have some kind of characteristic that I'm not willing to walk away from. The strings of fate led me to these people. And I just don't have the power, nor the feeling of need or want, to cut those ties. Why should I? Because it makes you unhappy. You may be my best friend and my family, but you are not my world. The only time I cut ties is when I feel it necessary. When they somehow corrupt me. But that's the thing. It's me who is my world. No one else. Not you, not Liz, not Amanda, not Nikole, no one. Only me. And I'm not asking for you to understand the way I think and do things. But to accept them, instead. If you can't do that, like so many others haven't been able to do, then maybe it's best things go this way.

I'm sorry for hurting you in any way and making you feel less than your actual worth...but I'm not sorry for my decisions. I'm happy. And I'm so sorry that you're not. But you make yourself unhappy. You make yourself think the way you do. If you wanted an actual change and you couldn't find a way to help yourself, you'd find a professional to help you. But you don't believe that you need any kind of change. So until you do, I guess I bid you a civil farewell. A few tears to a lost friendship, but I hope you someday understand what exactly it is that I'm saying.