Afraid to open the door

They say that when one door closes, another door opens. Well before my life hit rock bottom, I didn't believe it. Isn't that a bit backwards?! Haha. Ya, I guess so. But I've never been one to have their head screwed on all the way. I've always been a bit twisted. Back to the damn point. My life is slowly starting to make sense again. And guess what? I'm no longer dependent on anyone. Not on Nikole, nor on my friends. I just like them to be around haha. But for the most part, I'm getting used to being by myself from time to time. It sucked at first, but I'm getting more and more used to it.

So this apparent "door" is slowly opening. It's very bittersweet though. Why? Because a new door opening means the last one is completely shut. Not only shut, but locked. And I obviously don't have a key. But I guess it's okay. Because as much as I'd love to open that door again, all that would come out is a tsunami(sorry Japan) of worms. You see, this door holds even more opportunities than the other one does. A better education, a fresh start, new people in and out of my life, and I'll be around my best friend more. I'll get to share a life with new people in a new place. I'll be able to show people the real me. I'll also be able to walk around without having any memories. Ahhh that sounds amazing!

I can only imagine my life, and myself, growing more once I'm away from everything I know and hold so dear. It will scare me, and make me feel so insignificant. But that only means there's one more thing for me to conquer. It's also another place to get hurt and be completely fucked over. And that's okay. Because that's just one more dot. I'm going to a place with completely new dots and I plan on filling my picture. I'm excited. But I'm still sad to live without you.

But it's okay. Because maybe that's what I'm supposed to do...