Even my body doesn't know what to do with itself. It doesn't sleep until it passes out, and then it wakes up shaking and sick. Every single morning. And why? Because it lost it's match. When I say match, I mean it. Every time we held hands or moved, we'd move in sync. Our hands would fit. Our lips felt perfect once they touched and so did everything else.
The longer I'm away from you, the more crazy I seem to get. But I guess this is all part of the process.
I miss you. And I so badly wish to see you. But I won't initiate that act just because if I were to see you right now, I feel as though you would be cold. Distant. Completely ignoring the fact that we ever were a couple. You say you're afraid it will give me false hope. Well, I beg to differ. It will just show me what you hide from everyone else. Because I know you are. I know you've shoved it down so deep by now that it comes in pieces. You don't even feel the weight of it all. You've tuned it out. And I hope one day you stop doing that. Because that's why we lost ourselves. Why we became the way we did and why we lost our communication. You shoved your feelings down and so did I.
But I'm never doing that again. If I wanted to be a body without a soul, I would kill myself. I would rather grieve, and hurt, and get angry than have no emotion at all. Because you were important. You were real. You're still real. And just as important. You mean everything to me without completely blinding me from the rest of the world.
I love you. And I miss you.
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