Sleeping without you isn't too tough anymore. I passed out last night. Though that could just be because I haven't been sleeping and so my body was exhausted. It's waking up without you around that makes me feel sick. Every morning I fight heavy waves of nausea because you're not the first thing I see. And I'm trying to accept it. I'm trying to accept that you'll never be the first thing I see every morning and every night. But I do miss it. Everything about me misses you.
And it makes me wonder. Do you miss it too? Do you have the same problem? I know you have a problem sleeping but what about the mornings? Do you open your eyes and realize you're seeing anything but me? That you'll never look at me as you wake up and kiss me good morning? Because that's all I can feel every morning. The lack of the life that I want so bad right now. The lack of the life that I didn't realize I loved so much.
And what about your day? I know you keep yourself busy with friends, family, and school, but what about once you're alone? When everything becomes silent and you find yourself with absolutely no distractions. Do you think of me? Of texting me? Of calling me? Of hanging out with me?
I know what you(the reader) must be thinking. "Why does it matter?"
It doesn't. I guess it would just be nice to know I'm not the only one battling a giant pain in my chest and a knot in my throat that has the potential to choke me. To know that I was important to you...
Sounds stupid and pathetic. But I'll write what I want or whatever I need to feel better. And since I'm trying to get rid of the morning sickness, I'll be writing every morning I'm sure.
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