Spring cleaning?

Today I've come across multiple items she forgot and/or left behind. I get it that she forgot things. She was probably in a rush to get out of my house before I got home. Which I still think was a pretty shitty move. Way to stab me in the heart AND the back. But, she did apologize. And I do forgive her. Everyone has their own reason for doing things the way they do. Even if they are pretty fucked up. But what I don't understand is leaving behind gifts or items that were given to her. I get that we're not together anymore. I get that you got sick and tired of trying.(Well, partially) but don't leave gifts that I gave you behind. No matter how big or small. They will always be yours. Never mine.

Another thing I don't understand is how is the breaker going to be angry at me? I understand I ask a question and it may be sensitive but you don't think it hurts asking in the first place? That even texting you doesn't hurt? It's like there's glass laying on the floor and I'm slamming my face into it. It actually feels pretty unbearable. But I do what I gotta do to get shit done. I'm being as adult as I can be about this.

Point is, she hurt me. She hurt me bad. And I think I'm started to feel angry about it. I'm starting to feel sick about the fact I took her back in the first place. But I needed to know if we would work. And here I am, still wondering if we would. If she would just suck it up and give it all another try. To do things different this time. Not fresh, not from scratch. That's non-existent. But different. Just so we could do things right this time. A friend told me this once. "Sometimes people stray from eachother. It happens. Sometimes they stray so far that they lose their way and don't come back. But sometimes, sometimes they turn around and realize what they left behind. They realize they made a mistake. But maybe it wasn't a mistake. Maybe it was fate working it's magic to remind you both that you love eachother. That life without the other will go unfulfilled." Wow. Well that's not confusing! It's basically saying the risk is yours to take. You can either risk getting your heart broken over and over again with the same person. OR you can risk getting your heart broken again with someone else. OR you can leave everything behind and find someone new. And they might be the one for you.

Well fuck. Hello options, goodbye sanity. I'm not even sure which one I'd prefer! But this isn't only my battle. It's hers as well. This time I'm calling the shots in my life. I won't have anyone else dictate what I should and shouldn't do. I guess we both have the ball in our court. We'll see...