Now I'm told that this is life.

We all learn from the mistakes me make. We’re taught that as kids, if we touch something hot, we’re bound to be burned. We’re also taught that if we keep making the same mistakes over and over again, we’re fools. We’re stubborn. We try so hard to fit in with what others are doing that we lose sight of ourselves. What we’re not taught is that love works the same way as everything else. If you get too close to quick, you’ll end up with nothing but scars and crappy memories that haunt everything that you do.

You see, you grow up watching movies and reading books that fulfill every fantasy craving you have. But that’s all they are. Fantasy. And as you get older, you find yourself wanting to be wrapped in that fantasy. To have someone walk in your life and automatically know they’ll never leave. To know that no matter how hard things get, they’ll stick around.

Well, I thought I had that. For once in my life, I thought I had found someone who would stick through it with me. Who wouldn’t up and leave me like so many others have. But unfortunately, I was wrong. I truly thought that this one time, would be the last time. She would be my very last kiss, my last anything, for the rest of my days. And you know what? I was happy with that idea. Actually, no. I was ecstatic about that.

I don’t care how many times I say it. I could repeat myself every single minute of every single day. She was the love of my life. The most beautiful thing my eyes have ever come across. All her imperfections she saw, I saw as nothing but beauty. Complete and utter beauty. I just never expressed it. I didn’t know how. How do you tell someone that every time you look at them, everything disappears? That all your worries in life are suddenly nothing but a memory? I saw that with her.

But it wasn’t only what my eyes saw. It’s also what my heart saw. I saw a future with this girl. A long, healthy, and prosperous future. Kids, a job, a home, a real family. One that was crazy, dysfunctional and perfect. And maybe one day that will really happen. Maybe it will be with her. Or maybe someone will come walking into my life that just knocks the air out of me. But here’s the problem…

When she walked into my life, I was winded. All the air I carried in my lungs was knocked out just by the sight of her eyes. Her hair, her lips, her nose, her ears, her hands; Everything about her intoxicates me. She is by far the most dangerous, but safest, person I have ever wanted in my life. And that’s why I’m so torn.
I wish I would have told you all of this before…I love you is simply an understatement of how I really feel.